Monday, 2 December 2013

Giving up is easy.

Hello there;

Lately I've been slowly slipping back in the hole I was in a few months ago, I've been feeling pretty down in the dumps and I struggle to find the motivation to get out of bed in the morning. I think it's mostly because I'm finding University so hard at the moment. I knew it wouldn't be easy, even my first year was tough, but I honestly didn't think it would be so hard. Last week I came close to throwing the towel in, so I went home, had a shower and gave myself a good, long talking to. Does anyone else do that in the shower? No? Just me then. There's no way I can give up now when I've come this far. I've pretty much finished my first term of my second year, I'd achieve nothing by quitting now. That said, deciding not to give up hasn't made my feel any better.

So because I'm feeling shitty, my blog is suffering. I sit down and I write posts, then I delete them because I don't think they're good enough. I do this pretty much everyday, if this post makes it to publishing, I'll be surprised. I found myself trying to write like other people to make myself sound better, but that's not how I want to be. I constantly compare myself to other people and other blogs and ask myself why I'm not as good as that. I guess it's also because, you can spend ages writing a post and then no one reads it. It's kind of disheartening. To be honest, I never expected anyone to read what I write but it turns out, a handful of people actually do. I just feel like my life isn't exciting enough to put into a blog. I don't do anything. I don't go anywhere. I sit at home in my pyjamas avoiding University work and watch Walking Dead instead.

I've never been good at creative writing. I've never been good at taking pictures. I've never been good at making things look awesome. Last week, when thinking about leaving Uni, I also thought about shutting the blog down. But again, what would that achieve? I'd have even less excitement in my life. I've come to the decision that for now, I'm just going to blog three to four times a week and I'm not going to think so much about it. I need to get into the habit of writing whatever I feel like, if people like it, they will read it. If they don't, they won't. And that isn't the end of the world.

Hopefully by the New Year, I'll of gotten some University work out of the way and I can become more focused on getting this little blog off the ground, maybe even get myself a few new followers.

If anyone has any tips then I'm more than interested in listening. That means tips in blogging or just tips in dealing with life in general. I'm a bit of a drama queen so I'd quite like someone to bring me back down to Earth and slap me. I apologise for letting the people down who do actually read my blog, stick with me and I promise I'll give you some brilliant, amazing, posh worded posts... Maybe. Just bear with me guys. I'm doing my best.

-Charli, xo

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